To say that I find myself slogged down by depression recently is perhaps an oversimplification.
To say that the frequencies intoned, as of late, in my life’s opus are incomprehensibly ethereal, while at the same time emanating the perception of a mundane morass, is perhaps a diversionary application of the esoteric.
For those of you who follow this blog, it is obvious that I have not been here.
I have an old piece I started to re-work about two weeks ago. I was hoping to insert it as I wait for my creative pause to pass. Ran out of steam with that project, too.
When I get weighed down like this, I tend to shift towards physical activity. I’ve been spending more time in my Thai life.
Three or four days ago, I received a nice email from my daughter. By the time I was finished responding ……..
Today is my mother’s birthday in our Thai time zone, but still my sister’s birthday in the USA.
I occasionally wonder if my mother is still alive. I suspect she might be; but would not be surprised if she passes (or passed) on and none of my siblings ever mentions it. That’s the way it is and logic tells me it is more appropriate to accept those losses than to bemoan them. I suppose resistance contrasted with compliance to that healthy healing process delineates the vitality and resilience of my releasing modalities.
Wouldn’t you agree?
Perhaps you read my post – Back on the Sauce. Well, I’m back off the sauce or on the sauce wagon or finding it most prudent to shun spicy food. I trust you can well imagine how disconcerting that is for me; and not just for me. Ponra is a bit dismayed that she can no longer jazz up my meals. It also means she has to cook two different dishes; although sometimes she just concocts a marinating bowl of fish sauce with diced hot peppers and sprinkles that on her portion.
In part, I gave up the sauce as a negotiating chip in my campaign to have her give me a few baht to buy cat food. BUYING cat food is not the norm in our social strata. I still hold on to my Western idea of having a nice healthy pet. I like seeing Gato’s shinny coat and she definitely likes seeing me head for the food bin.
There are sort of two cats here now.
Another kitten got into the yard and took up a vocal vigil. I kept telling Ming Ming that it was talking to her. In part, I was hoping to spare Gato some of her attention. Ming treats Gato like a rag doll. Gato is very tolerant, but gives me a look like she would rather curl up peacefully on my lap, in front of the fan and watch a movie.
The kitten got hungrier and bolder. Finally, I chided Ming that it was so sad because it was being ignored. Ming scurried over, boxed it in and picked it up; immediately naming it Lay-mon (Lemon). I think it is a male. It is calico.
Lemon is quite dissimilar to Gato. For one thing, Lemon does not like the Friskies Cat Food. He is very lethargic. After a week or so he managed to gain entrance into Comb, Ting and Ming’s home. I hardly see him any more.
Gato is intensely playful, very animated and regularly practices evading imaginary rapid pursuits.
Ponra is still threatening to make her disappear and is adamant about not supplying funds for food.
I have been doing a lot more work with the bamboo in an attempt to justify getting paid about two and a half kilos of Friskies every month.
I have to go to Bangkok in a few days. My passport is full and I need to get more pages added at The Embassy. My meager savings has a budgeted allocation for the outing. Usually I over budget, so I hope there will be enough extra for Gato.
I mentioned that I no longer have my favorite red sauce with my eggs. Also, Ponra thinks the cow neow (sticky rice) is harder on my stomach, so she has switched to cow jah (regular steamed rice). Well, we ran out of cow neow. Anyway, I was adjusting to blandness with some resistance, so occasionally I lightly caramelize an onion, add a clove of garlic and then plop in my rice. When all that is well mixed, I add two more cloves of garlic, a bunch of cilantro and sometimes diced tomatoes. Oh yeah, and several dashes of Healthy Boy mushroom soy sauce.
I pretty much surmised that you and Sonny were interacting again via Facebook. That certainly does seem encouraging about the counseling. Huh! I’d be happy to just sit down with a translator, which come to think of it is in large part what a counselor does.
Of course, I wish you two all the best.
I wish Zach the best too. Maybe we will interact again sometime. I don’t know – up to him.
I often feel very sad about anyone/everyone trapped in the American culture. Or embroiled by it or marinated in it or inundated by it or in denial of it. If Americans could grasps, even a small part, of how the rest of the world sees them, the psychic shift would be profound.
Blah! Blah! Blah!
Ponra just came up. She asked me to share her plan.
As an introduction: A few months after Ponra’s mother died there was a traditional Tahm-boon Service. I understand that is when the ghost is released and/or happily sent on its way. I get the impression it is one of, if not the, most important ceremony in a Thai person’s life – even if it is after they have died. So, Ponra went all out – all out with total disregard for the cost. (Sadly, very sadly, she labored under the illusion that since she had a Farang husband, everything would be all right. In spite of said husband’s advice and clearly specific bi-lingual admonitions.)
Anyway, that was a tuff period. I fronted her all the money I had with the understanding she would sell her newly inherited land and re-pay me. If she was unable to return that money I would have had to return to the USA and ……
She changed her mind about selling the land.
She explored options about borrowing money. There were a few choices. I kept re-iterating my lack of ability to be involved in her obligation. (I think she just recently GOT that!) Anyway, she borrowed 250,000 B from her cousin. I think @ 7%.
How loans work here – she got the money and does not have to make any payments, but should or could make the interest payment annually. I understand the deal to be, if she does not re-pay the loan within three years – by May 2013, the cousin takes the land. Land valued at between 800,000 and who knows.
(A bit of frustration!) I don’t know how many times I said I could not be part of that deal. We had many unpleasant occasions when she would GET IT and then the awareness would fade. Each time the subject came back around I strongly suggested she make an effort to sell the land. I believe it is highly unlikely a way to make the (what will be 300,000 B) payment will materialize; and it appears the only way to avoid her cousin taking the land is to sell it at market value (or above to a Farang) and pay him off.
Yeh! Yeh! I could go on and on. It would be nice to have a counselor to mediate that debacle.
So, that’s the introduction ……..
Ponra’s latest plan is to send Eeoo (21) to the USA (aka The Promised Land) some time next spring. In March, she finishes a two-year program, which I think is sort of like Jr. College. Ponra wants Eeoo to immigrate to the USA, get a job, pay off the loan, finish her education and perhaps meet/marry a nice rich American.
I like Eeoo. She is very sweet. Naturally, I don’t know her, but I do know a little about the USA. I feel badly about sending her there, which may not be economically viable anyway. It would probably cost about as much to re-pay the cousin as it would to get her over there and set up. I think Ponra is capable of understanding that, but I am confident she will never allow that information near her thought process.
I have contacted an old friend in Florida. Maybe, I will be able to get a dialogue going with the folks from that Thai/Sushi restaurant, who knows.
It kicks the can down the road. A can of worms that would be well dropped into a fine kettle of fish!
So…………….. my health is as good as I can imagine it to be. I’m hoping that all I am dealing with is the result of having H-pylori active in my system too long. It seems like that resulted in peptic ulcers and/or duodenal ulcers, which are the crowning glory of a life long relationship with Irritable Bowl Syndrome.
I continue to have ongoing discomfort in my abdomen.
Ironically, since I spend more than normal amounts of time squatting on our Thai toilet, my back seems to be very strong and hasn’t bothered me in quite a while.
I saw bamboo regularly and just put up two and a half cement block walls. My upper body is in pretty good shape. I have another L wall I want to erect, but need to cut our bamboo stash so I can get in there.
Emotionally ……… hard to say. There is so much historic color to compare to. I do feel very sad that my blog has not generate a penny or neung baht. The next six months are going to be incredibly challenging. Maybe, it will just be horrendous through September/October and then plateau at miserable until April, if I’m lucky. If I am really fortunate, my marriage with be intact this time next year.
That’s my query to you.
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